Auto-correct keeps flagging this one, and I don’t know why! It may not be a recognized word in our dictionary, but it absolutely should be!
I am not a rescuer. I am not a fixer. I am not even a very good commiserator. My truest nature is that of an empowerer.
I discuss this in another post, you can catch up on that HERE.
I have also been called a bad influence, but that can’t be right.
Expecting myself AND others to bring their best game on and really show up is what makes that happen. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I know there are times when this seems difficult. I also know that one of the greatest gifts we can give is to help create those “lightbulb moments” for others, so that is what I do whenever I can.
Then I stay around long enough to help devise the ‘how to’ strategies, help develop the methods to accomplish them, and encourage the entire time.
Usually. this also means that I am worked out of a job.
We raised an independent kid who didn’t NEED anybody (including us!). My mom-heart hurt sometimes over that, because there were moments I REALLY missed the little boy who would launch himself at me for a big squeeze. It was worth it though, as raising a kid who will always NEED you (just to satisfy your own co-dependent baggage) WILL hurt the kid eventually. So I did the right thing by him and raised the kind of man he wanted to be. The one the world needed…..not the one I needed for my own selfishness.
“Ewww…..Mom! Not in public!”
But he WOULD kiss himself in public. Go figure!
I also teach clients, knowing this may lead to them doing my job themselves and not needing to pay me to do it anymore. That is okay. There is plenty of work to do and not enough qualified people to do it as it is, which is why I am also happy training other professionals (and learning from them!).
The nonprofit organization I founded, The FLIP Group, Inc. exists solely to support-equip-empower young adults – but I am currently spending most of my time and energy on a specific few that work for/with me. Knowing that I am empowering them to be their best selves and teaching them everything I can, mentoring them instead of “bossing” them, means that I WILL lose them. They WILL leave me for other opportunities. I WILL be okay about that too, when that time comes, because sometimes working yourself out of a job means you did your job.
Please don’t be afraid to do your job when you have to, even when that job is hard.
QUESTION(s): How can I empower YOU or YOUR BUSINESS right now?
I have always done what I think works for me, and this is no exception……
I want to try something new. I want to experiment.
I have decided to become a cheater.
RELAX!!!
I have just decided to try another program.
Now you know you knew better than that.
Since I am a person of integrity, I feel that it is unethical to promote one program and falsely attribute any successful results to it while secretly using (and achieving results) with another. So….. I am putting it out there!
You know that I love being a Team Beachbody Coach. I LOVE to promote healthier living and overall well-being in any/every way possible, even though Coaching is not a full-time career for me today. I also enjoy just being a member of Beachbody. I love the community support and accountability, the workout programs, and Shakeology specifically has helped me to improve my family’s health (and lives!) through better nutrition.
This decision is IN NO WAY a negative reflection on Beachbody! I am still a huge fan of the workout programs and many of the products. There will probably never come a day when Shakeology is not in my house, and a major part of our regular diet. I may decide to remain a Team Beachbody Coach indefinitely!
If you decide that you need help with Beachbody, then I will of course happily refer one of my friends or associates for you. I also have friends and family involved in other programs, so I can point the way with a referral in those cases, too.
As always, my relationships are still more important than commission checks.
I AM AN ENCOURAGER. I WANT YOU TO DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.
We all know that there are many different kinds of programs/products out there, each with its own strengths and weaknesses. One is better for rapid weight loss, while another is better for strength training and still another is for increased energy and mental focus. The success of one relies on dedication to exercise, while another relies on portion control and supplements, and still another relies on pre-packaged meals. What works for one person may not work for another. A person’s needs and motivations will change, and one coach can develop a different kind of relationship than another can.
I encourage YOU to BE AN ENCOURAGER, TOO!
When someone is improving themselves and doing it safely – DON’T SHAME THEIR METHOD. Don’t bash other programs, don’t shame other coaches/consultants, and don’t bash someone for finding what works for them.
I hope you are finding what works for you!
…..but if you’re NOT – what are you waiting for?!?
UPDATE: I DO still have Shakeology in my house!02/20/2020
So I was asked to do a thing. Then I agreed to do said thing. Then I had a full-on, proper flipout.
Yes, I just saw you shiver with antici……pation.
I started feeling something totally foreign to me (I have since been told the word for that is nervous), so then I got all question-ey:
Why did I agree to this?
Whose bright idea was this, again?
Who talked me into this?
Can I really do it?
Should I get out of it? What if I bomb?
What if famine and pestilence ensue?
What were we thinking?
Then I remembered who I was and promptlygot rightover it.
Nope, #notevensorry about it.
Part of the problem was that I STILL don’t have this shirt! Even I need the reminder once in awhile.
You see, I invented the term #badassery.
There are things I know nothing about and things I know just enough about to stay far away from and leave to their experts and things I reallywant to be good at (but just aren’t) and things I do well enoughwhen I haveto do them….
THEN there are things I am one of the best there is at doing and THIS IS ONE of those.
So at least there is that.
After providing support as the answer-master for the BIG BOSS’ webinars, we decided it was time for me to host my own! That may not be a big deal to most, but I take everything I do seriously and put in the work to do a GREAT job. So this is kind of a big deal!
I mean, I DO train/teach all of the time, and I definitely know the material. I guess if HE says I can do it, and is willing to risk his professional reputation by personally endorsing me, I have nothing to worry about, right?!At least, that’s my story now and I’m sticking to it.……….
So:
If we’re already friends, sign up and see if I’m as good as I try to be (and help me be better, if I’m not)!
If we’re not friends YET, we probably will be soon anyway and you should take advantageof a FREE session while they’re still free (b/c its my first time)!
If we’re just NOT FRIENDS ON PURPOSE, you’re probably a terrible person anyway who might enjoy the opportunity to MAYBE see me go down in flames after all of the bragging I do.
You know, one of those.
Whatever our situation, you can sign up for one of my current webinars below:
January 21, 2020 – Desktop / January 22, 2020 – Online
Imagine you need heart surgery. Maybe not NOW, but soon. You know the longer you wait – the more complicated, expensive, and stressful it will be – so you schedule your procedure.
The day you are on the operating table, your trusted IT Tech walks in with a brand new shiny scalpel in hand…..
This is the smartest person you know. They have the best scalpel, they read the instruction manual and watched videos on how to use it, too. It is sharp enough to cut without a lot of manual muscle behind it, almost all by itself!
Do you let them perform your surgery that day?
Do you let your heart surgeon use that scalpel…..to rebuild your computer’s hard drive?
The answer to both of those should be NO – and financial operations should be considered the same way!
You wouldn’t cut costs on your heart surgeon, or try to do it yourself. Your organization is your livelihood, and your family’s future – why wouldn’t you hire a trusted professional?
Before you get mad, please trust that I didn’t trick you with a click-bait title, and hang in there with me even if it takes me a few extra words. Hey,I already warned you I was wordy. There IS a point, I promise.
Have I ever lied to you before? Of course not.
Talking about romantic love is too icky for me and I am definitely not going there.
Y’all should have known better than that already, anyway.
If it helps, use another word or phrase you are more comfortable with – care, help, serve, minister, pay forward, show up…..
However, (and I’m sorry to break this to you, I hated breaking it to ME), all of those are ways we love others.
There is a best-selling book by author Gary Chapman called The 5 Love Languages® that talks about different ways people show up with love. That title and way of describing them are cringe-y to me, but the information is solid, I promise. I am going to mention a few of them for context – and if I get in trouble, just remember that I do it all for you…..
For years, my sweet husband has been sending a devotional or at least inspirational text every morning to a circle of people (that is still growing), and this looks like ‘Words of Affirmation’.
We recently found out that this is really a very necessary public service…..
He’s a big tough guy, too. That throat punch would probably kill somebody.
He also makes enough for an army when asked to cook or bake for events and gives it all away so that could look like ‘Receiving Gifts’.
Can’t we just eat the dough?
Of course we can. (He showed up with this as I was writing.)
He’s actually showing up with these AND his true love language, which is by performing ‘Acts of Service’. He’s extra too, doing two at once.
So, that went somewhere else…aaaannnnddd now I’m distracted…..ok, bringing it back now…….
My truest nature is that of an empowerer, and that is how I love others, but that can seem disguised as other things, too. I have been told I was too direct, too demanding, too REAL, for expecting myself AND others to bring their best game to the table and show up for themselves and you know what? Most of the time, we do! That can happen during ‘Quality Time’ or ‘Words’ or ‘Acts’ but however they happen – aren’t those one of the greatest gifts, helping to create those “lightbulb moments”? I think so too, so that is what I do whenever I can.
We need to remember to look up once in a while. Just knowing that someone showed up for us is more important than how they do it, because sometimes it comes in disguise.
We also need to remember that no matter how smart we are or how much we think we know, we still get it wrong sometimes. The picture you see featured for this is really people showing up for each other after surviving a terrible ordeal, disguised as friends having a beer. All my love to y’all.
QUESTION(s): How do you love others? What is the most unexpected way someone showed up for you?
A recent post mentioned a very real belief I have, that sharing is caring.
Especially when you have something I don’t that I want some of.
Like that girl does.
My #framily and I say that phrase fairly often to each other, and of course we think we are being funny, but it is SO true when you really think about it. I mean, who wouldn’t want it all for themselves? Good is good so more must be even better, right? Sharing something you REALLY want all for yourself should count double……and so should taking a share of things you reallyreallyreally do NOT want.
Like grief.
Grief feels heavier than joyful does. It definitely lasts longer than the sympathy does. It makes you bitter OR better. It hurts you AND numbs you. Some people hide it while some wear it constantly. It makes some people afraid of everything but it made me (even more so) afraid of NOTHING. The details are different, but the human experience is the same, no matter what grief looks like on us. It is also best friends with loss – no matter if that loss is of friend, parent, or child.
Instead, I want to share (with permission) a friend’s experience with grief…..and I know that probably seems like I am letting myself off the hook, but I promise you I am not.
Our human experience is eerily similar, even though the details are very different. Sharing her ‘walk’ with you is not exactly the same as sharing mine – but just by paying attention, I am also sharing her grief with her, hoping it makes the load a little lighter while we walk, even if she can’t see me over here helping carry it right now.
With someone you care about, help them carry their grief once in awhile. Sometimes its the only thing they need…..but I think any way we can show up for each other still counts.
You should know that we don’t ALL ride horses or wear boots or live on ranches. MOST of us are polite (but can have road rage on I-35 like you’ve never seen), we are known for being friendly (but carry for when someone is not), and are rated A- in best public schools (but you’d never know it because you think we talk funny).
Yes, we ALL talk funny. And yes, we already knew that.
Speaking of which – I don’t know about you, but I never think about my having an accent until I hear myself recorded somewhere. My job(s) require a lot of talking, to a lot of people, a lot of the time. Tech Support calls come in from everywhere, many from the East Coast (I still stand by the opinion that THEY have the accent!), and they ALWAYS know I am some kind of southern but not necessarily Texan. Then BAM! One “y’all” gives it away every time, and you know what? I am so, so fine about that.
I love being Texan and can’t imagine wanting to live anywhere else.
Even when Mother Nature lets “Sybil” run the control switch…..
Its 40-something degrees today, y’all. Make the chili. Enjoy it while you can. Because next week we’re back in the 90s.
I love to know what is good when we travel! Comment your city/state and your favorite thing about living there!
Usually, when people mention the ‘C’, they are talking about cancer, but we are NOT talking about that right now.
I am not talking about the other c-word right now, either. I don’t say that one at all (other than the one time I did and it was totally deserved and I’m still #notevensorry about it, but that’s it, I swear).
So relax.
At our house, C is usually for cookie. Or cocktails. Or COOKIES AND COCKTAILS. My husband bakes AND shakes so we do our part around here to not appear ungrateful for those acts of service.
I am definitely not above using a cocktail to wash down a cookie. I know, because I’ve seen me do it.
What C is NOT supposed to be for is crisis, chaos, and especially not for crying. Unfortunately, we have had all of these at my house recently and every time it happened, they reminded me of why those last few are not welcome here.
I was also reminded to write about this, because it just keeps coming up…..
I AM NOT MUCH OF A CRIER.
I never was, even as a kid, but especially not by this point in life. I even have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to this, but for some reason, people are still confused.
(whew, missed it!)
While that is understandable, and a totally human response to handling stress and pain and I hope you feel free to do it whenever you need to – it also seems to me like it is the least productive way to deal with a sh!tty situation so it has never been my go-to response.
There is no instruction manual for the project of putting a shattered life back together after thewrongest wrong EVER. I am doing the best I can to cope. It is complicated, though. Some days are for caring for others and honoring commitments to my companies and serving my community while other days are only for crying and barely getting off of the couch, even just for coffee with friends.
You won’t hear about the days I know will hurt you too because you want to help me and you can’t, but I am NOT ashamed of ANY of those days.
I also know that there is no manual for loved ones trying to help. I get it.
Everyone seems to have differing advice on what healthy coping should look like and while that doesn’t surprise me (we’re all just winging it here), what DOES surprise me are these from people who should know better:
“You don’t have to be so strong all the time.”
“Its ok to ask for help if you need it.”
“You don’t have to pretend to be _______.”
“You really need to _________________.”
These make my inside voice comeback with things like:
Now, don’t y’all know I don’t know what else to be, since things still have to be handled even when I don’t feel like it?
Don’t you know that I have purposefully built as self-sufficient a life as possible, so that I can just want people and not need them?
That I don’t pretend anything, ever?
That if I need to do anything, it’s probably already donebefore anyone else thought of it?
Sigh.
I forgot how I originally wanted to close this, other than to say THANK YOU for caring about me, even when its not easy. I know you’re winging it, too. I have survived this far so there IS that, and I hope you never forget (because I don’t!) that so much of that is due to YOU.
Also – did you know that sharing is caring? Especially if you bring cake.
PageFlipMe 