Category: Grief

Posted in Framily, Grief, Show Up or Shut Up

Sharing Is Caring, Even Grief

Posted on by Pageflipme

A recent post mentioned a very real belief I have, that sharing is caring.

Especially when you have something I don’t that I want some of.

Like that girl does.

My #framily and I say that phrase fairly often to each other, and of course we think we are being funny, but it is SO true when you really think about it. I mean, who wouldn’t want it all for themselves? Good is good so more must be even better, right? Sharing something you REALLY want all for yourself should count double……and so should taking a share of things you reallyreallyreally do NOT want.

Like grief.

Grief feels heavier than joyful does.  It definitely lasts longer than the sympathy does.  It makes you bitter OR better.  It hurts you AND numbs you.  Some people hide it while some wear it constantly. It makes some people afraid of everything but it made me (even more so) afraid of NOTHING. The details are different, but the human experience is the same, no matter what grief looks like on us. It is also best friends with loss – no matter if that loss is of friend, parent, or child.

I have been asked repeatedly to share my story on that, but I am still working through it. So not today.

Instead, I want to share (with permission) a friend’s experience with grief…..and I know that probably seems like I am letting myself off the hook, but I promise you I am not.

Our human experience is eerily similar, even though the details are very different. Sharing her ‘walk’ with you is not exactly the same as sharing mine – but just by paying attention, I am also sharing her grief with her, hoping it makes the load a little lighter while we walk, even if she can’t see me over here helping carry it right now.

With someone you care about, help them carry their grief once in awhile. Sometimes its the only thing they need…..but I think any way we can show up for each other still counts.

It All Counts.

Thank you, Emme Chey, for sharing with us. You’re one of my heroes.

Posted in Grief, The REAL

Today’s Post Is Brought To You By The Letter C

Posted on by Pageflipme

Usually, when people mention the ‘C’, they are talking about cancer, but we are NOT talking about that right now.

I am not talking about the other c-word right now, either. I don’t say that one at all (other than the one time I did and it was totally deserved and I’m still #notevensorry about it, but that’s it, I swear).

So relax.

At our house, C is usually for cookie.  Or cocktails.  Or COOKIES AND COCKTAILS. My husband bakes AND shakes so we do our part around here to not appear ungrateful for those acts of service.

I am definitely not above using a cocktail to wash down a cookie.  I know, because I’ve seen me do it.

What C is NOT supposed to be for is crisis, chaos, and especially not for crying.  Unfortunately, we have had all of these at my house recently and every time it happened, they reminded me of why those last few are not welcome here.

I was also reminded to write about this, because it just keeps coming up…..

I AM NOT MUCH OF A CRIER.

I never was, even as a kid, but especially not by this point in life. I even have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to this, but for some reason, people are still confused.

(whew, missed it!)

While that is understandable, and a totally human response to handling stress and pain and I hope you feel free to do it whenever you need to – it also seems to me like it is the least productive way to deal with a sh!tty situation so it has never been my go-to response.

There is no instruction manual for the project of putting a shattered life back together after the wrongest wrong EVER. I am doing the best I can to cope. It is complicated, though. Some days are for caring for others and honoring commitments to my companies and serving my community while other days are only for crying and barely getting off of the couch, even just for coffee with friends.

You won’t hear about the days I know will hurt you too because you want to help me and you can’t, but I am NOT ashamed of ANY of those days.

I also know that there is no manual for loved ones trying to help. I get it.

Everyone seems to have differing advice on what healthy coping should look like and while that doesn’t surprise me (we’re all just winging it here), what DOES surprise me are these from people who should know better:

  • “You don’t have to be so strong all the time.”
  • “Its ok to ask for help if you need it.”
  • “You don’t have to pretend to be _______.”
  • “You really need to _________________.”

These make my inside voice comeback with things like:

Now, don’t y’all know I don’t know what else to be, since things still have to be handled even when I don’t feel like it?

Don’t you know that I have purposefully built as self-sufficient a life as possible, so that I can just want people and not need them?

That I don’t pretend anything, ever?

That if I need to do anything, it’s probably already done before anyone else thought of it?

Sigh.

I forgot how I originally wanted to close this, other than to say THANK YOU for caring about me, even when its not easy. I know you’re winging it, too. I have survived this far so there IS that, and I hope you never forget (because I don’t!) that so much of that is due to YOU.

Also – did you know that sharing is caring? Especially if you bring cake.

I appreciate you.