Tag: love language

Posted in Random Bumble, The REAL

Disguised As ___, Part 1

Posted on by Pageflipme

First, Love

Before you get mad, please trust that I didn’t trick you with a click-bait title, and hang in there with me even if it takes me a few extra words. Hey, I already warned you I was wordy. There IS a point, I promise.

Have I ever lied to you before? Of course not.

Talking about romantic love is too icky for me and I am definitely not going there.

Y’all should have known better than that already, anyway.

If it helps, use another word or phrase you are more comfortable with – care, help, serve, minister, pay forward, show up…..

However, (and I’m sorry to break this to you, I hated breaking it to ME), all of those are ways we love others.

There is a best-selling book by author Gary Chapman called The 5 Love Languages® that talks about different ways people show up with love.  That title and way of describing them are cringe-y to me, but the information is solid, I promise.  I am going to mention a few of them for context – and if I get in trouble, just remember that I do it all for you…..

For years, my sweet husband has been sending a devotional or at least inspirational text every morning to a circle of people (that is still growing), and this looks like ‘Words of Affirmation’.

We recently found out that this is really a very necessary public service…..

He’s a big tough guy, too. That throat punch would probably kill somebody.

He also makes enough for an army when asked to cook or bake for events and gives it all away so that could look like ‘Receiving Gifts’.

  • Can’t we just eat the dough?
  • Of course we can.
    (He showed up with this as I was writing.)

He’s actually showing up with these AND his true love language, which is by performing ‘Acts of Service’. He’s extra too, doing two at once.

So, that went somewhere else…aaaannnnddd now I’m distracted…..ok, bringing it back now…….

My truest nature is that of an empowerer, and that is how I love others, but that can seem disguised as other things, too.  I have been told I was too direct, too demanding, too REAL, for expecting myself AND others to bring their best game to the table and show up for themselves and you know what?  Most of the time, we do!  That can happen during ‘Quality Time’ or ‘Words’ or ‘Acts’ but however they happen – aren’t those one of the greatest gifts, helping to create those “lightbulb moments”? I think so too, so that is what I do whenever I can.

We need to remember to look up once in a while. Just knowing that someone showed up for us is more important than how they do it, because sometimes it comes in disguise.

We also need to remember that no matter how smart we are or how much we think we know, we still get it wrong sometimes. The picture you see featured for this is really people showing up for each other after surviving a terrible ordeal, disguised as friends having a beer. All my love to y’all.

QUESTION(s): How do you love others? What is the most unexpected way someone showed up for you?

Posted in Grief, The REAL

Today’s Post Is Brought To You By The Letter C

Posted on by Pageflipme

Usually, when people mention the ‘C’, they are talking about cancer, but we are NOT talking about that right now.

I am not talking about the other c-word right now, either. I don’t say that one at all (other than the one time I did and it was totally deserved and I’m still #notevensorry about it, but that’s it, I swear).

So relax.

At our house, C is usually for cookie.  Or cocktails.  Or COOKIES AND COCKTAILS. My husband bakes AND shakes so we do our part around here to not appear ungrateful for those acts of service.

I am definitely not above using a cocktail to wash down a cookie.  I know, because I’ve seen me do it.

What C is NOT supposed to be for is crisis, chaos, and especially not for crying.  Unfortunately, we have had all of these at my house recently and every time it happened, they reminded me of why those last few are not welcome here.

I was also reminded to write about this, because it just keeps coming up…..

I AM NOT MUCH OF A CRIER.

I never was, even as a kid, but especially not by this point in life. I even have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to this, but for some reason, people are still confused.

(whew, missed it!)

While that is understandable, and a totally human response to handling stress and pain and I hope you feel free to do it whenever you need to – it also seems to me like it is the least productive way to deal with a sh!tty situation so it has never been my go-to response.

There is no instruction manual for the project of putting a shattered life back together after the wrongest wrong EVER. I am doing the best I can to cope. It is complicated, though. Some days are for caring for others and honoring commitments to my companies and serving my community while other days are only for crying and barely getting off of the couch, even just for coffee with friends.

You won’t hear about the days I know will hurt you too because you want to help me and you can’t, but I am NOT ashamed of ANY of those days.

I also know that there is no manual for loved ones trying to help. I get it.

Everyone seems to have differing advice on what healthy coping should look like and while that doesn’t surprise me (we’re all just winging it here), what DOES surprise me are these from people who should know better:

  • “You don’t have to be so strong all the time.”
  • “Its ok to ask for help if you need it.”
  • “You don’t have to pretend to be _______.”
  • “You really need to _________________.”

These make my inside voice comeback with things like:

Now, don’t y’all know I don’t know what else to be, since things still have to be handled even when I don’t feel like it?

Don’t you know that I have purposefully built as self-sufficient a life as possible, so that I can just want people and not need them?

That I don’t pretend anything, ever?

That if I need to do anything, it’s probably already done before anyone else thought of it?

Sigh.

I forgot how I originally wanted to close this, other than to say THANK YOU for caring about me, even when its not easy. I know you’re winging it, too. I have survived this far so there IS that, and I hope you never forget (because I don’t!) that so much of that is due to YOU.

Also – did you know that sharing is caring? Especially if you bring cake.

I appreciate you.